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Real Men Talks
Let’s Talk About Real Life Issues Men Face And How To Overcome Them All Here!
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This discussion was modified 2 months ago by
The Eagle.
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This discussion was modified 2 months ago by
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12 Replies
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What are practical steps and ways for men to be more self aware.
I ask this because for the most part, I seem to have relied heavily on external validation and when I don’t get it sometimes it feels like I’m not wanted or my presence is not appreciated and I know that’s not true.
How do I become confident in myself and not rely on external validation when I feel overwhelmed or anxious.
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This reply was modified 2 months ago by Ola.
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Thank you, Ola, for asking this very important question.
Validation is a core part of any man and it feeds into every aspect of every man’s life and living.
From my personal experience, I have had to resort to understanding that there is actually no external validation that I can get that will fill that void in me as an individual. Only God validates me per time.
Sometimes I look at my family and all the sacrifices I make daily, and no matter the “thank you”s I get from my Wife and Children, I still look up to God to say “hope I am doing well”?
It is that internal conversation I have with God and what He shows me as valid in all my actions that really makes me happy. No amount of “thank you” from my Wife and Children gets me there, really.
While the “thank you” temporarily makes me feel fulfilled, what really does it for me is when I weigh all my actions, and I can satisfactorily say that God is pleased with me and all my actions as far as my family is concerned, that is when I really feel validated.
I’ll leave it to other men as they join this discussion to answer more from their perspective. This is my own experience and I really hope it helps you. Blessings! ❤️❤️
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This reply was modified 2 months ago by
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This is very insightful, thank you.
I’ve mostly taken this stance and ensured to be conscious of the fact that whatever I do, I do to the Glory of God and I am also always in remembrance that it’s God that has given me the ability to do anything in the first place.
My follow up question is: in those rare events when I’m feeling like I’m not being appreciated and say it gets to me a little and I’m worried and rather than pray or run to God, I want to talk and get things off my mind to distract myself in such situations, not necessarily talking about being unappreciated but seeing as talking to friends will distract me from my current feelings.
I’m asking these questions in retrospect and to be able to catch myself if it ever comes up again.
One thing I’ve been doing for the longest is to consciously say a prayer in my mind whenever those thoughts come up but how do I remain conscious and sit with those feelings and emotions even when prayers is not the first thing that comes to mind (feels very wrong to say prayers doesn’t come first to mind 😢).
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This reply was modified 2 months ago by Ola.
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Hey Ola,
Thanks for being so real! You need not to beat yourself up if you feel prayer ain’t the first thing that comes to mind when you’re in that situation.
We are all human, and we have our downtimes too. We created this space for this same reason: to ensure you have a place you can come and express yourself, get succor from fellow men who have been through what you’re experiencing, and get some good advice too.
I think another thing I’ll add is this: you can set targets and goals. And win them gradually. Anytime you feel that way, ask yourself, what target have I set on this matter? Have I met that target, if yes, then you’re good.
For instance, you can set a target that every time you feel overwhelmed, you’ll talk to at least one person you trust that will understand you and really listen to you.
Finding that person can even be the first target to set. Once you find that person, you can tick that box and say you are moving in the right direction.
For every target you set and meet, celebrate yourself. Let that inner peace you derive per time when you meet such goals drive your confidence and push you to set more targets in the right direction.
Another target could even be, in 24 hours, I used to feel this way 5 times before. I want to set it to reduce to 3 max per day, and then 2, then 1, the none over time.
Just deal with it one step at a time without expecting a rapid turnaround overnight.
Hope this helps.
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This reply was modified 2 months ago by
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I think it also requires a lot of quiet thinking….meditating on yourself not from a point of view of defending your actions…but from a place of ‘why did i do this/that’
The why lets you know if its goimg to be a one-off, something you want to continue or something you have to stop…and doing this helps you as a man to start developing your core principles…
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Awesome! ❤
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When you say external, who are you reffering to? If its your family, like your spouse, you may need to reevaluate your expectations. Like what were you expecting when you got married vs what you are getting now?
For some wives, they are not very expressive with their appreciation, but it does not mean they are not appreciative.
When I was in Law School, our Pastor/lecturer told us a story of how they were expecting Pastor E.A Adeboye for the 1st time in the parish at the time and he was the pastor in charge. According to him, he pulled all the stops he could to ensure that the visit would be memorable, particularly because it was the only parish serving law school Abuja. The day came and my pastor was hoping that Pastor Adeboye after hearing all that he had been doing by way of service in that parish, would pray specially for him by asking him to kneel down and all. However, to his amazement, all the man said, was, God bless you, he said he took him some time to say Amen. Point is, if we have mismatched expectation, it can seem like validation is wonky. I think like someone already said, our sense of value as men must first be in internal.
Secondly, I also think you must answer the question of why, why are you doing what you are doing? If nobody says thank you, will you still do it? if you define your why properly, it can also help if there a lack of percieved value.
Lastly, seek to have a heart of service unto God only because men are always double mouthed. Today they praise and tomorrow they reject. It matters that whatever it is you are doing pleases God first. Also, do not dwell on people’s praises for long. Accept it and move on. I hope I helped small?
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Spot on! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽📌📌📌
I love the Daddy GO and the Minister’s story you shared. Learnt a lot from that. It further confirmed some things I have been meditating on lately: knowing WHY I do what I do.
I just made some business decisions that appear like I was expecting some kind of “THANK YOU” but didn’t get it, and I was bewildered for a sec.
Then I went back to WHY I made that decision and saw that I did it in service to God. Even though I didn’t get the thank you I really was expecting, I saw the pain of not even getting that and still forging ahead as an act of worship to God.
That law school story blessed me in no small measure! Thank you! 🙏🏽 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽❤️❤️
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The responses I got to my questions are really practical and straight to the point, and for that, I am appreciative.
Thank you to everyone who contributed.
I’ve taken note of the suggestions, and I’m sure things will be different as I find out my WHY and cultivate a heart of service to God.
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All thanks to God Ola. Super glad you got all the insightful and practical answers to your questions.
Please feel free to reach out anytime you have more questions.
God bless you!
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